We're heading out for C3 this afternoon and I'm really jacked about what God's got in store for our team, for me personally, and I know for everyone who'll be there this week.
One of the really cool things about C3 is reconnecting with really cool friends in ministry from around the country. It's funny--but as our church has grown, my acquaintances have grown exponentially. But, the number of true friends I have in Austin has decreased while the number of friends I have elsewhere has grown. Most of them will be in Dallas this week and I love getting to see them and steal ideas from them.
This isn't a bad thing, it's just an it-is-what-it-is thing. There are a lot of reasons for it, some of which are bad, some aren't. Craig Groeschel pastors LifeChurch which is one of the strongest, most Kingdom-minded churches on the planet. His blog this week speaks directly to the friendship-ministry challenge. I really appreciate his candor and knowing that our situation is common.
I'm curious: is this a phenomenon unique to ministry or do leaders in other arenas experience it as well? Comment back and let me know.
2.20.2008
C3, Pt. 2
Posted by Mac Richard-- at 2/20/2008 10:46:00 AM
Labels: C3, Friendship, Leadership
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Mac,
ReplyDeleteNo... this is not unique to ministry. I see it all the time in the market place as well. You have reached a level that others get jealous of or simply can not relate to. You have just moved out of their comfort level and it results in lost connections. People generally hang with people in similar situations or levels. You are energized and fueled by others that think and reach like you do. Results in common attraction. That is why its really lonely being at the top. I have met more lonely CEO's than I can count. People just can't relate to the visionary leaders. The feeling you are feeling is actually very common.
Hey Mac,
ReplyDeleteI do think the issues that you & Craig bring up apply other leadership arenas. Being part of the leadership team at my company I find it a similar challenge to really build close friendships.
As someone expected to create & provide vision and direction its hard (and even disruptive) to express your own concerns and personal struggles. Most people are looking to your vision as a solid foundation for their daily life at work or in the church and any sign of being a 'real person' can be seen as a weakness or lack of vision. I don't think this is always the case but its tough to figure out on a personal level.
I'm sure creating friends as a leader in the ministry has its own unique challenges since your impacting people in such a personal way but I do find that letting my guard down is easier with someone that is outside of the expectations of the vision provided for my company.
Great post. You may be hitting on a broader issue, one related to the cost of leadership. There’s an old saying, “Loneliness stalks where the buck stops.” There is a certain separateness that comes from carrying responsibility that only you can carry. Most people will never know when a leader is experiencing loneliness. It's not seen on the outside; it’s internal. They are the last people you would ever think were lonely. I love that strength about leaders.
ReplyDeleteThough no one can lead without facing criticism and sometimes discouragement, this is just another example of how we should consider ways to spur one another on. Ways that are unique to that person's calling. Friendships may grow fewer as responsibility grows, but often these relationships are deeper, and even richer.
Chris, Miles, & Jan,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the feedback--that, and knowing that we're not necessarily crazy. Thank you.
Have not been on in a while due to a crazy schedule, Mac but have been pondering your question and wanted to post this reply. Leadership is a responsibility that everyone has as a Christian.... I have been using the phrase "living a life of influence" across all phases of my life, both personal and professional since this series began. However, being a business leader (as you are) does propel you and your family into a somewhat difficult position. When the church was new and you were a new pastor, etc you were trying to make a difference in a DIRECT way in peoples lives. If a decision turned out not to be the best decision you simply went to the person and said "I am sorry" or "I made a mistake" and they forgave you. Now as the leader of a larger organization your influence has changed and you are responsible for providing direct influence to your team and then they, to theirs and then the direct ministry occurs. The higher the profile the more chance there is that a mistake in "inflence" will occur and that is why you simply must surround yourself with others who have the same type of influential challenges. That occurs by getting to know individuals who face like challenges across the country. One of the things that I miss the most about direct line management (leadership) was that I was able to actually see and participate in the minute to minute actions and thus I could respond in the appropriate manner. Now I depend on my team to do that and I miss the intensity of the wins as well as the disappointments of the non- wins. BUT God was getting me ready to be here, where I am now. As a Christian female business leader, I have been able to bring a different perspective to senior leadership across the real estate business across the country BUT since there are relatively few women who are actually true COO's in real estate in larger companies I have also faced very unique challenges. I have five female confidants across the nation and we can always count on each other to bring a different perspective and a helping hand to each other. We only see each other face to face once or twice a year but it is wonderful when we do. Christian influence is a gift that I am determined to share with as many as possible....from a female perspective in the national scene in real estate. Anyone who follows the news knows that now is very difficult time in real estate. My God has been preparing me for it for 20 years. My "sisters" and I intend to look to Him for continued guidance and we know that He will not fail us, just as He will not fail you. It is only "lonely" when I forget to look to Him for my guidance, etc. Trust me, though, that happens regularly. Helen
ReplyDeleteHelen, great points, all. Thank you & Rob for your friendship and for your leadership in LHC. I really appreciate your comments about female leadership--a dynamic I clearly can't fully appreciate. But, the principle does translate, and I see those type of cross-country friendships cropping up more and more for us.
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